Sunday, August 29, 2010

I'm Okay....

"I'm okay."  "I'm fine."  "Nothing's wrong."  As a mother, I feel like I'm playing a role....I always have to be in control--calm, cheerful, positive and, above all, okay.  I've been going through some major stress recently, and today I'm not okay.

I don't remember my mom ever appearing outwardly the way I'm feeling on the inside.  She was a rock--steady,  reliable, dependable as the sun and the moon.  She's gone now, so I can't talk to her about this, but I wonder:  Was she better able to deal with life's complications, or was she just a better actress?  Am  I weak, or just a poor actress?  I don't know.

Any time I cry, my son always gets very concerned.  "Are you okay?" he always asks.  "I'm fine. Don't worry."  My response.  Even if I have to stop mid-breakdown and take a couple of deep breaths, so my voice sounds "okay".  Tears are streaming down my face, yet I can fake a cheerful voice and say "Don't worry.  I'm okay--just a little stressed."

My heart is destroyed, my soul is hemorrhaging, my spirit is broken and fleeing the scene.... but

 "I'm okay."


  1. Oh Peggy, I know how you feel. No matter what, you try to put on the good front so everyone else is ok. My mom was a rock, too - but every time I was upset, she'd try to fix it with food. "Have some ice cream, it'll make you feel better." I wonder at times how much was rock & how much was just oblivious. :-) Just remember, your friends are here for you!

  2. I am just a short drive away. I can come get you and take you away. :)